You know you're an English Major when...

As a missionary kid I've often been amused by the book You Know You're a Missionary Kid When... which includes entries such as, "You feel more comfortable in an airport than you do at home", and "you can find your way through airports without looking at the signs". Well, living with an English major, having Mechanics in my family, and coming from a culturally mixed family I have often come up with my own "You know you're a ______ when..." phrases.

You know you're an English Major when...
... you get annoyed when people say nuclear wrong.
... you correct people when they use incorrect grammar in day to day language.
... you insert Shakespeare quotes into daily conversation.
... you proofread Church bulletins.
... you write poems to amuse yourself.
... you point out complex sentences in speeches.
... you know how to properly use the word whom in a sentence.
... you have to write an entire paper solely on grammar.
... when you wear a sweater vest at least four times a week.
... you own at least two cardigans.
... argyle is an acceptable fashion choice.
... others often pull out a dictionary to figure out what you just said.
... you can pay your college bill by charging for proofreading services.
... when a trip to Barnes & Noble is the most exciting part of your week.
... when the most important men in your life are the protagonists from your favorite novels.
... when Pip enters daily conversations.
... when you use words like protagonist when describing books.
... when names like Shakespeare, Dickens, Hugo, and Austin enter casual conversation.
... when you get a thrill from accidentally creating a rhyming couplet.
... people immediately ask "what are you going to do with that?" when you tell them what your major is.
... when you own more than one anthology.
... when you get an antique set of Shakespeare for your birthday.
... you use complete sentences when texting.
... your roommate frequently asks, "how do you spell____?"
... when you always have a notebook with you

You know you're a Mechanic when...
... you get really excited when the windshield washer fluid comes out in three squirts instead of the normal two.
... your road rage includes comments about fixing a broken headlight.
... you can diagnose exactly what problems a car has just by hearing it drive by.
... you answer the question "what kind of car is that?" without even a second glance.
... you know the requirements for a rebuilt title in multiple states.
... you have scrap dealers bookmarked in your internet browsers.
... you browse car sales magazines in your free time.
... everyday conversations can include "alternator, transmission, gas line, and gauges" without a second thought.

You know you come from a culturally mixed family when...
... your friends come to visit and ask what language your parents are speaking and you don't know what to tell them.
... people ask where you are from and you reply with "now, when I was born, or where I lived the longest?"
... someone mentions an exotic food and you know exactly which country it comes from.
... you carry on conversations in two or more languages.
... you sometimes speak to people on multiple continents at the same time.
... a joke can't possibly be told only in english - it looses it's humor.
... sound effects are an appropriate means of communication.
... it's perfectly acceptable to use multiple different words to name a single object.
... you ask for a trolley and get a shopping cart.
... your siblings come from a completely different continent than you do.
... you categorize your family by country.
... you spend twenty minutes answering the question, "where is your family from?"
... you don't know how to answer a questionnaire that asks, "what is your race? Check one option."

You know you're a missionary kid when...
... you remember countries by their airports.
... you know how to properly hail a taxi in many different countries.
... you can barter in more than one language at the same time - even in languages that you don't actually speak.
... you have to sort through different languages in your mind before you can reply to the person who just asked you a question.

... you know the conversion from kilos to pounds and kph to mph by heart.

... you can convert from Celsius to fahrenheit without thinking.

You know you're an art major when...
... you get really excited about a new tube of paint.
... you relax by painting.
... you wish for a giant canvas for your birthday.
... you must be forcibly dragged out of the art aisle at the campus bookstore.
... you miss curfew to finish making a bowl.
... you frequently show up to classes with paint and/or ceramics liberally spread across your jeans.
... bright colors define your outfits.
... you can name the type of paint from its smell.
... paint brushes can't possibly be defined only as big or small but as many different variations of size.
... you spend a long time drawing just one line.
... you get agitated when you don't have the right color.
... the pictures on your dorm room wall change positions frequently.
... your organize your wardrobe by color.
... nail polish colors are more of an amusement than a necessity.
... amusement comes from finding patterns in a tile floor.
... you can stare at the same thing for hours without getting bored.
... white walls are boring.
... a thrill is to throw paint at a canvas.
... popping balloons with paint in them is very exciting.


For Samantha...
You know you're in Western Heritage when...
... when you frequently discuss theology and history in the same sentence.
... when you can name all of the Russian monarchs and the years they ruled without blinking an eye.
... when the phrase, "Barth's critique of Schleiermacher's anthropocentric religion" actually means something to you.
... when you have dreams about Thomas Aquinas's Philosophy.
... when you analyze the metaphysical context of pudding.


Well... I hope you got a good chuckle out of at least a few of those. There might be more coming if I think of them....